2001 in a Nutshell 2001
Neither of us would wish it on the other, but I fear my year sounds a lot like Kristin's. I'm really glad I didn't add moving to my other stresses; San Francisco will wait for me.
2001 in a Nutshell
Found friends. Fell in love, but all by myself. Once, twice, thrice. sigh. Learning? Lost old, dear friend. And now?
Resting In Peace 2001
It's been a long day.
I awoke at 6:30 and, rather than catch another half hour sleep as I might ordinarily do, drove to Berkeley -- enjoying the sunrise as I crossed the Dumbarton Bridge -- to spend the day with a fine fellow before heading north again to my parents' place. The weather was dreadful for driving, so it was a long, slow trip even without counting the time I spent lost in El Cerrito after making a wrong turn. On the way up I saw flooding and an accident and a small mudslide and heavy fog and deer in the road, but I went slow in a good car and made it safely here to Edgewood. I came in the door and found that, as I somehow expected as I was making the journey, my grandfather, Bob McCombs, who I love dearly, had died about half an hour before I arrived. His death was peaceful and we were all prepared for it. We'll grieve - again and again, I know - but are relieved he's free from pain now.
Despite some traditional voice in my head saying "You should have been here at the end even if he wouldn't have been aware of you", I'm glad I took the day to relax. It was a good day, not an easy one, but a good one. I walked in rain and got kissed and saw bright green grass and heard a creek burbling and that was good. I got lost and had a wearisome drive and discovered I'm still a profoundly foolish romantic and that wasn't easy or pleasant.
And Grandpa Bob's dead. No more chances for his jokes and great smile, so I'll treasure all my memories and be glad I came and had good moments with him recently. He and I were always pals. We used to watch Pink Panther cartoons together.
I'll try to tell you more about him in the coming weeks, but tonight I'm tired, so I'll just go to bed and bid him farewell in dreams.
Get This Monkey Off Me! 2001
Does anyone have any experience with giving up caffeine? I've discovered that it really messes me up and gives me mood swings, locking me in "fight or flight" mode. I get hyper-sensitive and emotionally beat up on myself. So I know this, right, I know it makes me feel like crud and what do I do? After lunch we all go to Double Rainbow and I get a scoop of Espresso Bean! What was I thinking? I love the taste of coffee, that's a big part of the problem. So, when you find out you have to give up something you like, which people are constantly offering you, how do you do it?
Uh, and related question, can anyone recommend a good counselor in Mountain View or thereabouts? I've been a ball of stress lately and I think it's because I'm growing again. It's very uncomfortable to stretch myself into new shapes (but more so to try to hold a shape I'm not anymore) and I'd like some help getting through the tough part. I don't quite know what kind. [Mum - what pigeonholes did you & Paul get sorted into when you were in practice? Transactional Analysis, I know, but what else?]
Whee! Jumping! 2001
I am Mario.
I like to jump around, and would lead a fairly serene and aimless existence if it weren't for my friends always getting into trouble. I love to help out, even when it puts me at risk. I seem to make friends with people who just can't stay out of trouble. What Video Game Character Are You?
Belated Appreciation 2001
I keep forgetting to say Thank You! to my "Sekrit Santa" for the super fun gift - and it's just the distraction one to keep me busy until the real backordered gift comes! I'll have to get some pictures of me playing with my Butterfly Barbie --- whee! Look at her pretty wings! Watch her fly! Watch her flap spasmodically like a dying moth when I get bored with her and leave her on the floor! Woo!
I keep thinking I couldn't be happier than I am when his arms are around me and I'm looking into those pretty smiling eyes and then BANG! it just gets better. No big milestones, just sweet rightness. I feel like my joy must be shining through the roof of the house like that silly Luxor pyramid in Las Vegas. O if it is I hope it turns to sparkling pixie dust and scatters all over everyone!
Thursday, Never Could Get The Hang Of Thursdays 2001
So I'm back from the holiday trip to visit family and I wake up this morning in the grip of allergies. Sneezy, scratchy throat, achy. Blech.
I arranged with Kristin to go into work in a couple hours if I'm feeling better and came in to turn on my computer. Trillian, the instant message program I use, crashed instantly. Oh well, I need to upgrade to the new version anyhow. So, check mail. Some feller writes praising my cleavage and offers "the only cleavage a guy can muster in return". Excuse me, sir, but it is not cleavage if you show the whole thing.
I don't think I'm feeling well enough for random buttocks this morning, really.
Home Again 2001
I had a very nice Christmas, made nicer by the fact that my grandfather was still around & able to enjoy it. My wise family went easy on the holiday routine and we skipped the enormous Christmas Day meal in favor of nibbling on the variety of tasty snacks we had around. Paul (the resident chef) treated us to a nice shrimp/tomato/olive/cilantro/lime ceviche that just kept getting better throughout the day. Oh and in the morning there were some good biscuits from Lynn and Wasco sausage (from my grandparents old home town) and in the afternoon brie & Semifreddi's baguettes and fuji apples... all good stuff.
The drive home was mercifully untrafficked and quick. I was able to make it without stopping anywhere and got back in record time.
Now I'm tired, ready for a cup of tea and a quiet evening of doing laundry & playing computer games. (And maybe a nice phone call, if I get lucky & he gets a chance at a phone...)
Old School Spirit 2001
I just saw Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone and I just have this to say:
If I ever go back to school, I'm going to Hogwarts.
Xmas Wishes 2001
I know what would really make me happy Christmas morning, but he's too big for Santa to leave in my stocking...
Diet Defenestration 2001
It's the holidays and the luxury I'm giving myself is freedom to eat whatever I want.
Rich spicy Indian food. Chocolate. Wine. Crab with hollandaise sauce. Sherry. More chocolate. Pfefferneuse (sp?) cookies fresh from the oven. Roast chicken with a ginger sauce made from the drippings. Yet more lovely dark chocolate.
Oh, yes, I know, I'll be needing to ride my exercise bike straight through the month of January to burn it all off, but it's worth it. Besides, I was going to be doing that anyhow, so I can look great for SXSW... and eat tons of great food when I'm there!
The Gloomies 2001
As nice as it was to have a relaxing, quiet day yesterday, I'm looking forward to my aunt & uncle arriving today. They always come laden with clipped cartoons, unusual new music, interesting books and good conversation. I could use the positive stimulus; the book I brought along (The Adventures of Kavalier & Clay) has turned bleak and sad and taken my mood with it. I'm torn between two options: ignoring the book or finishing it in the hopes that it will get better (which seems possible given the number of people who recommended it). However, on the risk that there are many sorrowful chapters ahead, I'll just give it a miss for now and go listen to holiday music, do the traditional jigsaw puzzle and help my grandmother out with whatever project she's working on.
Mammal, Mammal 2001
or, The Enduring Popularity of Breasts
Where can I find more pics of you flaunting that awesome cleavage you have?!Allow me to state for the record that there are no great unmined veins of jpegs of Dinah's upper torso - at least none that I'm aware of - and things are likely to remain that way. Still, it's good to know I have that potential camgrrrl career to fall back on should my current plans fail to pan out.
MIghty tasty there chickadee! MIGHTY tasty indeed! I'll take seconds, please... (and thirds!) Tim
I try to be good, but... 2001
I was being a good little worker bee. I was taking screenshots & putting them in the documentation, but now the engineer has debugging turned on and the pages look all wonky.
Phooey. Now I have to figure out what else I can get done. And figure out how to shut up that little devil that sits on my shoulder and trys to get me to go play Bejeweled...
Penguin Penguin 2001
Take the Corporate Mascot Test at Willaston's Lounge!
Well, I feel better than *this* 2001
The piano has been drinking, my necktie is asleep
And the combo went back to New York, the jukebox has to take a leak
And the carpet needs a haircut, and the spotlight looks like a prison break
And the telephone's out of cigarettes, and the balcony is on the make
And the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking...
And the menus are all freezing, and the light man's blind in one eye
And he can't see out of the other
And the piano-tuner's got a hearing aid, and he showed up with his mother
And the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking
As the bouncer is a Sumo wrestler cream-puff casper milktoast
And the owner is a mental midget with the I.Q. of a fence post
'Cause the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking...
And you can't find your waitress with a Geiger counter
And she hates you and your friends and you just can't get served without her
And the box-office is drooling, and the bar stools are on fire
And the newspapers were fooling, and the ash-trays have retired
'Cause the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking, not me, not me, not me, not me, not me
- Tom Waits
I love that line about the waitress...
Better, but spacy 2001
Last night I ate a big delicious dinner (Thanks Edmond and Jun!) and was so full and content afterwards that I went to bed at 9:30. Sounds lovely, except....
I woke up at 2:30am with a very bad allergy attack (itching & compulsively swallowing & very uncomfortable). So I took some medicine which knocked me out and I slept until 9am.
Now I'm a bit groggy & out of it and it's the busiest day of the month, except for possibly tomorrow which might be crazier, and I'm not having caffeine because it makes me crazy. Argh. At least there's the magic of adrenaline...
Little Ms. Crankypants 2001
Man am I grumpy today. I've run the exciting gamut from depressed to nervous to self-deprecating to doubtful to cranky to indecisive to incompetent to apologetic to irate. I seem to have settled down to crotchity.
What a lousy day to have to work. I'd rather be at home under my bed. (Yes, even if it is a futon). I guess this is the part of the movie where Shrek wants to be back in his nice swamp all alone.
Building? Well, Yes, But... 2001
Problems with the building a house analogy for building a relationship:
- A house assumes a completed plan before you start. With a relationship, you don't have to know how big it will be or how long it should last.
- "Building a house" has a tendency to get people thinking about a solid, static thing that will be done at some point. I was really trying to focus more on a shared process.
- Makes people think you're picking out the china pattern when you're actually just figuring out if you'll get to hang out together this week.
We've been friends for a while and have always been very honest & trusting with each other, but recently we began opening up a little more and talking about the architecture of love. At first we were talking about the details that didn't work for us, that we wanted to avoid in the future. Our lists were not entirely alike, but we agreed about things. Then we started to talk about what made us notice a potential building partner. Some of the things which have drawn me to someone, I realized as we talked, were actually counter-productive to avoiding what doesn't work for me. I think we were brave (and I'm so glad we were!) to say "Maybe we need to reconsider each other".
So we began to talk about the patterns we seek and are enriched by, the qualities which create a strong foundation for love. I asked questions. He revealed essentials. We talked about past experience and dreamy dreams. And we continued to agree. Our visions of the houses of love we'd like to someday build and live within sound alike in many ways.
So we went on a date to survey our potential building location and see if we felt comfortable. I don't know why I didn't see before how at ease I could be there with him creating something together. I am so grateful we created this second chance.
Since then we've been walking all around the site (by which I mean not our bodies (or not just our bodies) but more the way we are with each other and ourselves when together). Every day I find some new point of familiarity, comfort, excitement or intrigue which fills me with pleasure at the potential we have.
We spent much of today together and I felt as though we stood on the terrain where we share our selves and said to each other "You know, this is a great place; it feels like home. I'd like to build something strong and wonderful here with you."
Such sweet hard work ahead, but now is the wonderful dreaming, planning, sketching, playing, brainstorming part of creating our house of love. I am astoundingly happy and excited. This is indeed a joyous season for me.
Weekend Forecast 2001
Sunshine throughout day & night. Widely scattered optimism. Danger of increased susceptibility to sappy love songs.
uh, and tendency to start thinking about the weekend on Thursday evening.
Blog Tease 2001
Thanks for reading! I am sorry about all the coy messages of late. There are certain surrounding circumstances which make me hold back, but they aren't bad, they just require a little time to get worked out. For now just know, I'm deeply happy. Sometimes I'm a bit dazzled, but most of the time it's a just a pervasive sense of rightness, wellness, wholeness. Oh, I don't doubt I will have new bad habits to unlearn just as I seem to be presently letting go of my old bad habits, but if I ever stopped learning, I'd probably be dead, so that's a task I don't mind having on my list.
Believe in things turning out just fine. They do.
Continuous Play Today 2001
Gorillaz Clint Eastwood
"...I ain't happy; I'm feeling glad.
I got sunshine in a bag.
I'm useless, but not for long.
The future is coming on..."
You Didn't Have To Be So Nice, I Would Have Liked You Anyway 2001
I expected to have fun. I expected to care. I expected it to be nice. I didn't expect to care so deeply. I didn't expect to have my feelings echoed. I didn't expect it to just feel so right.
Ah, and I didn't expect, though I should have, to need so much patience and so much faith that waiting won't kill whatever magic is brewing.
A few days ago it was "welcome back, Hope; I've missed you". Now I see she didn't take the place of Doubt and Fear, they just scooted to the side to make room for her.