A pleasant conundrum 1984
What does one do when a lost love returns 2 years later? We were both attracted still, I think. That instant recognition was still there. "That spark..."
He either has the ability to delude completely or he is honestly a very nice guy. I don't know what it is about him, but as soon as I saw him (oh yes, him=[my first steady boyfriend]). I was back in a flirtatious and loving mood. It felt very natural to put my arm through his while we walked and, I think, we both wanted to sit and talk and work it all out (and kiss and make up?!)
He's very large (body-wise, not other unimportant measurements). He has such a nice smile though. He smiles with his whole face and my heart turns right over when he does it.
I think I remember. He has dark skin, though not so dark as [Southern Faire fling, who would have been more but for distance]. Perhaps [first steady boyfriend] and [previous dysfunctional relationship] fit "my type" better.
We met at the party after grand ring-out [the end of Renaissance Pleasure Faire]. His leg was injured, but he swept me off my feet and carried me down the hill. We went down to the boat and had lots of fun exploring (inside w/ no shirts. Yo ho ho!)
But his parents. Hmmm. Although I couldn't stand [previous good relationship]'s at first too... They didn't decide they couldn't stand me, however. [First steady boyfriend] better tell me the whole story. We're both much older now.
Hmmm... character ideas! An ensign of the Company of Foot wouldn't be a bad husband for Jayne [my Faire character]... (I don't think so, anyway). Depends on relations betwixt [first steady boyfriend] & myself. Deciding between Frederick [another Faire persona] & [fsb]'s character & ? would be a great [improv theatre] bit. ("Who do you think I should marry?")
More kindly than I recall it being 1984
I really don't think [previous dysfunctional relationship]'s breaking up with [girlfriend he claimed for months to be splitting up with] at all. My heart has switched. I wonder if that means I never really cared. I don't think so. He was very special, but I don't know if I love him anymore. [Previous good relationship] and I have something much more special and personal.
And what will happen with [guy of the moment]? There was a spark. Whether we are compatible is another question. As is how great a spark it is.
I am a dreamer.
Living on fire 1984
I suppose I'll have to work out another time to get that dress, unless Shelley meets me at Snapdragon at noon...
I wonder if [guy of the moment] will come to Faire?
What am I going to do with all this passion? I want someone to flirt with! I don't want this time while I feel like a flame to go to waste!
I haven't heard from [previous unhealthy relationship, guy I wrote in Tengwar about] yet. I wonder if I will.
I want to learn more about [guy of the moment]. Learning someone's ways is always exciting. If we [my family] weren't going to Kauai I might go mad this summer. Jinx is being weird. (Perhaps I'm being oversensitive). [Heh. In retrospect I'd bet on the latter]
Damn, I don't know what was so sexy about [guy of the moment]'s posture in class with those rainboots of his. I wish I'd been sitting a bit further back...
I should bring this journal to Scotland [crossed out] (wishful thinking) Kauai with me. Damn, I know I was thinking of something and now I can't remember what it was! Now I remember. I was going to reread the first part of this.
I could go back to SC [Santa Cruz] now, were it not for Faire. I make more money there anyway. I will get a camping pass for Faire, I think. Maybe. I don't know what to do about Rich Acheleta. Hopefully he'll find his way to Faire. [Can't remember this person or his context. Someone from school maybe?]
I think I'm going to be disappointed with [guy of the moment]. I dream too much. I'm not used to not being involved. Bullshit. I've always dreamed a lot. I don't want to get re-involved with [previous good relationship], or [previous dysfunctional relationship]. Well, actually, [previous dysfunctional relationship] and I could have wild orgies and remain fairly uninvolved. What am I to do with all this passion?!